Recentely I got into a disagreement with one of my family members. I have learned that both of us are very strongly oppinonated. When we get into disagreements it can get very heated. I have learned that I can not talk to him when I am exteremly upset. I usually have to walk away and give myself time to cool down. After about 30 minutes to an hour I can come back and talk to him. I know that talking when am upset may turn into a physical altercation. I try to listen to his point of view and he tries to listen to my point of view. We usually to reach a comprimse on the situation. We really have been using the 3 R's "respectful, reciprocal, and responsive" without even realizing it.
When I am having a conflict with a co-worker I try to listen to their point of view. I find that I don't back down easitly when it comes to things that I feel very passinate about. If a comprimse can't be reached than I will say "I understand where your coming from but I still don't agree and if you feel that way I am sorry. " I know that sometimes you can't reach an agreemnt with someone. You have to realize that all situations will not be solved with everyone being happy.
You are right Undrea it is sometimes hard to reach an agreement were both parties are completely satisfied, but just by actually taking the time to try an find a solution makes an enourmous difference in the way each person fells about the situation. We feel valued, listened and respected which is not the case when aggression arises in a confict.
ReplyDeleteUndrea: I am sure that most people have someone in the family with whom they disagree vehemently. I certainly do. I have chosen to manage these conflicts by using the avoidance strategy. Arguing is a source of anxiety that I have chosen to eliminate. At work, my colleagues all seem to use the 3R's, as you do, even when we agree to disagree. We are a small group within a larger agency, and there is too much discord when disrepectful communication occurs. We are much more productive, happily working in a respectful environment. Managers, however, are not as respectful in their communications, a condition which causes stress within our department. The few who have challenged managers to be respectful communicators have resigned or been terminated.
ReplyDeleteUndrea, I think this situation is very common among many of us. You absolutely did the right thing by walking away. I think that is a major problem with many of us, we do not have the self control to walk away. When we do not walk away we say hurtful things that can never be taken away. Those hurtful words goes completely against the NVC and the three R's. Through it all, I am glad you both had been using the three R's.
ReplyDelete